Monday, December 13, 2010

A Starbucks Holiday Rant

I know I'm cynical, but I've gown to realize that there is one thing in particular that I loathe more than anything: shared emotions. I'm not talking about two people sharing a moment, I'm talking about a group of people who exalt in being a part of something.

One of the best quotes about it is from my favorite book "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera. It says, "Kitsch causes two tears to flow in quick succession. The first tear says: How nice to see children running on the grass! The second tear says: How nice to be moved, together with all mankind, by children running on the grass! It is the second tear that makes kitsch kitsch. The brotherhood of man on earth will be possible only on a basis of kitsch."

What I'm trying to say is that feelings are only real to you, so it's impossible to share something with the whole of humanity. Ok, that was my sequeway. Know what I hate? When people do good things during the holidays. 

All last weekend people decided they wanted to give back to humanity... by treating people to overpriced coffee. I'm not kidding. Do you know how many times people were like, "I'm giving a dollar towards the next ten peoples' orders."

Do I have to explain why that makes me want to run over Santa? Set fire to choirs of children? Melt all of the Christmas snow with a laser?

It's simple. Instead of doing something that actually matters (feeding hungry people, helping old people, anything other than buying high fructose corn syrup for middle-class suburban people) they do something that will be talked about by upper-middle class people at a company party. The fine recipient of this dollar off special will go home after a long day of shopping and  reminisce about how great their life is.

Meanwhile the person who donated $1 to 10 people (a heady investment of $10) feels like they made a real investment in the future of civilization. They are now secure that they are good people.

Know who are good people? Knitters. Especially people who knit mittens. Mittens that rock as hard as these.

3 comments:

  1. I was all set to chime in on the Christmas ranting, but the awesomeness of those mittens took the wind out of my sails.

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  2. Segue is the word, not segueway... And I love it when you blog, and I enjoyed this one hating people. Oh, and I thought coffee was like, totally essential and that huge investments of, oh $10, are really holiday-ish. (Are you saying both of those are not true? I'm feeling a Mythbusters episode) Can I ride shotgun when you run over Santa?

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  3. The worst thing is I love Christmas. But when Christmas consists of peppermint mochas and carmel brules...

    Jason I'll let you run over santa with me if you are laughing all the way.

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