Friday, April 27, 2012

Interview Winner?

Guess who has an interview today?!
This girl.
In related news, I got a rejection email from Hyatt. Apparently I'm not good enough to work a front desk position.

Wish me luck! Also, listen to this song. It's amazing. Like Abba.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Live blogging: Now, super cool!

I feel like my blogs have been rather boring of late. They have also been pretty focused on knitting.

This is a change of things. For one day at least.

Here is background; I loathe scary movies. Especially at night and especially at new places. But this year I decided to do things that scare me. So I'm going to watch a scary movie and blog about it at the same time. HOW EXCITING.

The movie: The Messengers staring Kristen Stewart.

I started watching it during the creepy part where ghosts are being like, 'WE ARE THROWING THINGS BE SCARED'. I was able to sit through it and actually giggle a little. To be fair, I did giggle even though my insides were like, "WE ARE TERRIFIED."

Oh damn, Kristen Stewart just went into the creepy bad cellar and the floor is staring to be scary. oh man, now there are dead people grabbing at her. But apparently it was all an illusion? Sunflowers make it all ok as she runs outside. But now she is shaking and scared. I bet she wishes Edward was there to protect her.

Now Kristen has figured out that the spirits in the house need her help. Now people, this is a pivotal moment in all scary movies. In order to stop being haunted and having lamps thrown at her head, she has to SOLVE OLD MURDERS. This movie is looking promising. Also, they are harvesting sunflower seeds. and crows seem to be bad signs.

Now the creepy body is leading her to a creepy barn. Oh no! The door is locked. Now she has to find out what has befallen the deadish chick. One thing I like about this movie is they don't do the whole jumping out scary thing. That gets me everytime. I can deal with seeing creepy things crawling in the back, not with things jumping out. Ok. I'm typing a lot. I'm scared.

Why is Kristen Stewart asking the crying ghost if she is ok?! run away! ahhh! now she is going to touch her! Don't touch ghosts!

I think the ghost baby was her little brother. It attacked her. Lesson learned; don't touch crying ghosts.

Kristen Stewart is still bad at acting. And now it's boring time in the movie. Oh shit, little kid is going to make the mom see the ghosts... AND NOW THERE ARE CROWS. I think this might be conclusion time.

Nope. Terribly animated crows just killed the gardener. I think this movie should take a lesson from an awesome horror movie; The Birds. Wait! Gardener is not dead. and I think the gardener is actually the dude who killed the ghost family. Gross. Now it's a slasher movie.

The one thing that can redeem with movie is ghosts helping the troubled family.

Wait, now I'm confused. The house has fingernails? Oh go figure, she is in the cellar now. Now the crazy gardener is trying to kill them with a pitchfork. Ah, the fingernails in the house was just a recreation of the pitchfork going through the door.

Oh shit. Dad got killed by pitchfork. oh shit! ghosts are coming to the rescue!

Moral of the story: don't kill your family because they will become ghosts and kill you when you try and kill another family. Also, pitchforks don't kill fathers and family saves everything!

Thanks for reading folks, this has been a scary movie viewing by yours truly.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Best Friends > Dead Fish

Guess what I did the last weekend? I saw my greatest and bestest friend in the entire universe. Her name is Bekky and you should read her blog called knit happens. During our lovely time together, we watched Downton Abbey, knit, and went on a nature walk. Here are the highlights.
We found a dead fish. It was quite large
This is my impression of the Titanic
I had the greatest time with Bekky. We laughed, we ate Ukranian breakfast, we drank rum drinks at a Tiki bar.

Probably the best thing about my friendship with Bekky is that we alternate from ranting about how awesome feminism is to oogling yarn and talking about gauge/projects/lovely wool.

The yarn shop in Milwauke is top 3 I've ever been to.

One thing is for sure; in regards to my friendship with Bekky, my heart will go on.

(that's a Titanic reference duh)

Friday, April 20, 2012

Beauty and the Man Killing Spider.

Do you think being unemployed is awesome? It's not.

If you think fear of rejection is the worst thing to ever happen to you, don't apply for jobs. I've decided to keep a running tally of my rejections. So far I'm up to 2! Groupon sent me a well-worded and almost-witty-except-for-the-fact-that-they're-crushing-my-dreams rejection.

So how do I console myself? I watch videos of spiders. Big hairy deadly ones.
If you're not too squicked out by spiders, you should find a video of them mating, it's actually quite lovely.

After that, I take a long hot shower and do this.
I sing that in the shower (and no I don't do the whole piano/glockenspiel bit in the shower).

Thursday, April 19, 2012

That, my dear sir, is a pile of yarn barf

One of my favorite knitting quirks (because I know we all have quirks that we favor among others) is that I love spinning a skein of yarn into a ball.

First off, skein is not pronounced skEEn, it's pronounced skAYn. I agree with you that it's dumb to pronounce it that way, but alas, the knitting gods have deemed it so. Secondly, this is what a skein on top of a ball (this specific type of ball is called a cake) looks like:
YOU ARE LEARNING SO MUCH ABOUT KNITTING! If you leave me your address I will come to your house and pat you on the back. At some point during my earliest convenience and in a completely non-threatening way.

Most people think this quirk is crazy because it's a pain to wind the skein into a ball. It involves a solid 15-30 min of sitting in one spot and not moving for any reason. Even if the building caught fire, you'd be amiss to move. Because if you do, then you get something that looks like this.

That, my good blog readers, is one of the biggest knots I've ever dealt with. I'd like to blame it on the yarn, but it's all my fault. The trick with winding yarn is patience. That means going slow sometimes. I don't like to go slow at anything. I read fast, think fast, move in with boys fast, knit fast, finish work fast... you get the jist. Usually I wind yarn into balls as a sort of therapy for me, but I was feeling pretty down about not having a job and worrying about money. Ergo, yarn knot.

The trick to straightening out a honking mess is to gently pull the knot apart. Normally you can find sections that can easily be untangled. I'm really good at untangling knots.

But I was not in the mood for that yesterday. Instead of being patient and kind and loving with my yarn, I just cut off the knotted part and started with the ball I had wound. It's for a shawl (which is a whole other rant that will be saved for tomorrow).

Do you hate untangling yarn? I'll do it for you for a nominal fee. Because I'm a philanthropist like that.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Booty booty booty booty rockin my booty

I have successfully written two cover letters and finished blocking my super secret test knit.

I was actually stoked to write one of the cover letters. Instead of the usual, "My name is Jen and I am professional and boring so hire me," I got to write a cover letter full of wit and sass and professionalism. It's to be a Groupon writer and I really hope I get an interview. I'm pretty sure it would be the coolest job ever. But since I never get interviews, my hopes are on the down-low.

Do you know what that means?!

It means new knitting project time! Usually I pick out some gorgeous yarn and scour Ravelry to find a sweet pattern. But then I remembered that giant trash bag full of unfinished projects I already have. I'm talking 5 gallons worth of projects. So I dug it out and rooted around (like a badger).

I found this.
That is a pair of booty shorts I started 3 years ago. Literally. On March 10th 2009, I thought it would be an excellent idea to knit a pair of shorts to fit over my rather large behind.

The funny thing with these is that they're almost done. All I have to do is the crotch and a couple rows on the legs and they're done.

This might beg the question, why didn't I just finish them three years ago then? The problems with these are two fold.
1) I'm not 100% sure what size I actually knit when I started this 3 years ago.
2) even if I did figure it out, I have lost like 20 pounds in the last 3 years.

That means even if I do finish these, they probably won't fit.

As you may have noticed, I am rather fond of finishing knitting projects. If I don't finish one, it is usually because of 2 reasons. The biggest reason is I'm not sure if the finished item will fit. The other reason is if I run out of yarn.

Picture this. I'm knitting and suddenly I actually look at what I'm making. It looks massive. or tiny. Point is, it doesn't look right. Instead of doing math and seeing if it will fit, or ripping it out if it's wrong, I start something else. I call this syndrome something super witty that will have you squealing with laughter.

(unfortunately I can't think of something super witty right now, so this is an opportunity to use your creativity!)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I swear I have a larger brain than a dinosaur

One of the perks of me looking for work is that you get to read my lovely blog every day.

I have an issue right now. I've been working on a test knit for a pamphlet (almost the big leagues) and just ran out of yarn with 1.5 rows to go. That is not the issue however. I quickly solved this problem using my sharp needle point wit and frogged one of my gauge swatches to produce a small ball of yarn.

Problem solved right? Wrong.

After literally 30 seconds of handling the ball, it disappeared. From the time I had it, I was in two places. The places are 10 feet apart. I have scoured the couches and the 10 feet between the two places and found zip.

Want to know the other highlight of my day? I found the grocery store!

Now this may sound like no big deal, but I just came from a town of 15,312 to a town of 77,693. Yes I've been in cities before, but that was in Colorado. Colorado has these majestic things called mountains and they are only in one direction. That means you always know which way is west. From what I can tell, Chicago doesn't have mountains (go figure eh).

It is pretty here though. And I get to ride motorcycles.

Worth it.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The effects of coffee

It appears that I did not in fact post that picture I posted yesterday in here before yesterday.

Holy hell that sentence needs to be rewritten.

Unfortunately, I have NO TIME for rewrites because I am on a mission to be employed. So this blog post is about that great shawl... IN MORE PICTURE DETAIL!

My old roommate is going to make beer in the barrel. But for now, it is knitting picture barrel!
Yes I have had a very large cup of coffee this morning. Do my uppercase letters show it?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The 8th layer of hell

Applying for jobs is a special layer of hell. You know how the 'worst' layer in Dante's Inferno is ice? He had it wrong. It looks like this instead:

You wake up early full of excitement and vigor. You CAN do what you want to do! (reach for the stars! follow your dreams! if life gives you lemons, rob a bank!) Today is the day you start your dream job. The internet practically sings as you type the illustrious letters into the top bar. G. O. O. G. L. E. The half a second to load is too long so you spend it fantasizing about making billions from your __________ (insert favorite thing ever in the blank).

You type. knitting jobs in chicago.

No luck.

You type. writing jobs in Chicago.

They require 10 years of experience and four arms.

You type. any job in Chicago?

This is where the internet laughs at you and you fall to the floor in convulsions.

Happy days of Ye Olde Times
This is where I take a deep breath and look at old pictures of knitting and how happy I was in the bright Colorado sun. I'm not entirely sure if I've posted this picture before, but that lovely green thing is a test knit. Want a link to the pattern? Yasmine.

Now back to writing vague descriptions of how awesome I am at everything.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Hooker shoes, spiders, and packing... oh my

 This is what my life looks like. That is a picture of all of my possessions before I loaded them into my car. I am pleased to announce that approximately 1/3 of my stuff is related to knitting.

The other 2/3 is clothes and books and such.

I think this is pretty awesome. Not only because yarn is super easy to pack, but also because if I ever wanted to pack up and leave, all I have to do is throw stuff in my car. I don't want to be defined by my possessions. Unless, of course, I am defined by my yarn possessions. I'm ok with that.

Speaking of how awesome I am. I recently finished a pair of knee high socks that are beyond fabulous. I test knit the pattern for Atalante.
I have never worn these shoes out and probably never will. But they make awesome sock model shoes.

I added this picture because you can see my retarded dog.  He's adorable, but retarded.

That's right folks, there are spiders on the back of these.

see, spiders aren't scary
Little known fact: When I was a child I wanted to be an etymologist** (bug scientist).

** and by etymologist, I mean entomologist. (thanks to Lizz for catching typos!)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Domesticity and Mistakes are the Devil

The worst thing about being a knitter is making a mistake. (Although I'm pretty sure hearing comments about how I'm so domestic are a close second)

I just started knitting one of my test knits where I had to cast on an ungodly number of stitches. Lo and behold, I messed up. So I am now in the process of doing it again. AHHHHHHH.

(this is the part where I yell a lot. so yell yell yell yell yell)

I also have big news. I'm moving to Chicago. That's right folks, I am going to join the rat race in the big city. So until I get moved and unpacked, you get no pictures and instead you get witty banter.