The 8th layer of hell

Applying for jobs is a special layer of hell. You know how the 'worst' layer in Dante's Inferno is ice? He had it wrong. It looks like this instead:

You wake up early full of excitement and vigor. You CAN do what you want to do! (reach for the stars! follow your dreams! if life gives you lemons, rob a bank!) Today is the day you start your dream job. The internet practically sings as you type the illustrious letters into the top bar. G. O. O. G. L. E. The half a second to load is too long so you spend it fantasizing about making billions from your __________ (insert favorite thing ever in the blank).

You type. knitting jobs in chicago.

No luck.

You type. writing jobs in Chicago.

They require 10 years of experience and four arms.

You type. any job in Chicago?

This is where the internet laughs at you and you fall to the floor in convulsions.

Happy days of Ye Olde Times

This is where I take a deep breath and look at old pictures of knitting and how happy I was in the bright Colorado sun. I'm not entirely sure if I've posted this picture before, but that lovely green thing is a test knit. Want a link to the pattern? Yasmine.

Now back to writing vague descriptions of how awesome I am at everything.

Hooker shoes, spiders, and packing... oh my

 This is what my life looks like. That is a picture of all of my possessions before I loaded them into my car. I am pleased to announce that approximately 1/3 of my stuff is related to knitting.

The other 2/3 is clothes and books and such.

I think this is pretty awesome. Not only because yarn is super easy to pack, but also because if I ever wanted to pack up and leave, all I have to do is throw stuff in my car. I don't want to be defined by my possessions. Unless, of course, I am defined by my yarn possessions. I'm ok with that.

Speaking of how awesome I am. I recently finished a pair of knee high socks that are beyond fabulous. I test knit the pattern for Atalante.

I have never worn these shoes out and probably never will. But they make awesome sock model shoes.

I added this picture because you can see my retarded dog.  He's adorable, but retarded.

That's right folks, there are spiders on the back of these.

see, spiders aren't scary

Little known fact: When I was a child I wanted to be an etymologist** (bug scientist).

** and by etymologist, I mean entomologist. (thanks to Lizz for catching typos!)

Domesticity and Mistakes are the Devil

The worst thing about being a knitter is making a mistake. (Although I'm pretty sure hearing comments about how I'm so domestic are a close second)

I just started knitting one of my test knits where I had to cast on an ungodly number of stitches. Lo and behold, I messed up. So I am now in the process of doing it again. AHHHHHHH.

(this is the part where I yell a lot. so yell yell yell yell yell)

I also have big news. I'm moving to Chicago. That's right folks, I am going to join the rat race in the big city. So until I get moved and unpacked, you get no pictures and instead you get witty banter.

The Hippy Distraction

Remember how I was going to show you all my unfinished projects? I got distracted by something else.

That, good people who read my blog, is a drop spindle. You use it to spin yarn. That stuff you see on it is yarn.

I've also been distracted by the obscenely good weather. It's been 70 most of the week and it's MARCH. This is Gunnison, the coldest place in the nation. I am not complaining though. At all.

(For all you people thinking right now, 'I guess that global warming thing is real.' Here is a rant.)

First off, it's global climate change. This means that yes it will be warmer, but there will also be more floods, more tornadoes, more droughts, more deep freezes. It basically means the climate is going to shift. So if you usually get all your snow in April, you might get some of it in November and none in April. Also, yes it is happening. The vast majority of scientists agree and now the main disagreement is whether or not it's caused by humans.

Guess what all the research points to?! It's not just because of humans, but humans are a contributing factor.

If you want specifics, feel free to ask. I do have a degree in meteorology that I would like to put to use.

Anyways. I've been spinning yarn and becoming addicted to that. I love it because it feels more like painting and less like knitting. I can do other things while knitting and it mostly just keeps my hands occupied; but with spinning, it keeps my whole being occupied.

Great now I sound like a hippy. OH THE HORROR!

Mittens make my heart attack

As I was saying two days ago, I have discovered a treasure trove of UFOs (Unfinished objects).

Before I go on, let me talk about three common knitting terms that I will use and you better get used to.
Frog-This means to rip out your work (usually to correct a mistake). Know why it's called frog? Because you rip-it rip-it.
UFO- Un Finished Object. Something you started and then ...
FO- Finished Object. Self explanatory I hope.

Now that we are all up to date on the knitting lingo, let me continue.

I adore two color mittens. Not just like, but like like. The thought of starting a project and then actually starting a project makes me faint (like old school Victorian dames). I lustily look through patterns and my heart skips a beat when I knit them--which probably makes it seem like I have a constant heart attack while knitting mittens. I think this knitting heart attack is called a love attack?

Yea that was cheesy. I was trying too hard to be funny.


I started this project in October-ish. It was a super fast enjoyable knit (like all mittens) and I was super pleased with how the colors worked together. But then something happened. I vaguely remember being distracted by a pair of socks (but for the life of me I can't remember what they were).

There is something you should know about knitters: we are ruthless. We only have so many knitting needles so sometimes we cannibalize the needles from one project to start another. That is why I made one mitten without a thumb.

My face shows the horror of needle cannibalization

When will I finish these? Time will tell.

But until that illustrious time, I will continue my confession of the UFOs.

The room I want to die in

Last week here was beautiful. I'm talking mid 50s. Now I know what you're thinking, you're thinking that mid 50s is not YOUR ideal temperature. I am here to tell you (as a professional meteorologist) that you are not entirely correct. Mid 50s for March in Gunnison, Colorado is the scientific ideal.

But today it decided to snow. That means I decided to do this.

I'm pretty sure fireplaces were invented to keep knitters knitting on cold days. Because if it wasn't for this fireplace, I would have given up on knitting and just hid under a blanket and sobbed.

Yesterday I said I had big news, and I do! I've recently acquired two new roommates so our house has been re-arranged and re-done about a million times. Let me tell ya though, it looks a bazillion times better. Not only does our house actually look like people live in it (instead of animals), but it looks like classy people live in it. The absolutely best part about the house is this:

Yarn, knitting books, man fitness eye candy poster, what more can a girl ask for?

THEY MADE ME A KNITTING ROOM! Now instead of scouring the house for needles and yarn, it's all in one place. The room gets tons of sun so I can just stretch out on that couch and knit until my hands fall off. It's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me.

Now the bad news. Since I was able to re-organize my yarn, needles, and UFOs (un-finished objects for you non-knitters), I realize I have a problem that needs to be remedied.

Those are all of my projects that I started and never completed. I didn't count, but there are at least 8. They were forgotten but not for any longer. Starting tomorrow, I will be giving each unloved heap of stitches some love. Not just yarn love, but the best sort of love: blog love.

The Luck of the Irish

Big news blogger-sphere, I got laid off from my job! That means I've spent a lot of time knitting (in between the crying).

I'm not completely unemployed though because I got a part time job at a bar two weeks ago. That means I am still a knitting weather BARista. Without the ista. Bartending is easy, but difficult. You know what sucks about it? Having a creepy 50 year old alcoholic say that you have a nice frame while he eyes you like a bowl of jello.

But the money is good and that's all life is about: making money. It's about making money and buying yarn and making beautiful socks for your bass playing friend.

I'd like to thank my male foot model roommate, Collin

 As you may know, last night was St. Patrick's day (St. Patricks? Does he own the day?). Because people like to drink copious amounts of alcohol and hit on girls, I decided it would be an optimal time to get dressed up and festive. So I present you with a rare picture of me all dolled up. I call this outfit, "Jello Shot Girl."

You should see what I have in store for you tomorrow. So much awesomeness your head will explode.